Sunday, December 17, 2017

Head Canon Says No...That Ain't Luke Skywalker

Quick review of the concept of Head Canon.

So what is Head-Canon? You ask.


Spiderman's Gwen Stacy is now supposed to have had an affair with Norman Osborn and at the time of her murder was carrying his baby.

Head-Canon says, no. It didn't happen. Gwen Stacy would never have done that.

The latest James Bond book now has 007 being married to Pussy Galore, who henpecks him mercilessly.

Head-Canon says, no. It didn't happen. James Bond would not get married to some harridan who keeps his balls in her purse. Let alone turn into some sad sack who has to sneak cigarettes in the car port.

Captain America is now a Nazi

Head-Canon says, no. It ain't happening. Steve Rogers would never do that in a million years.

The Ghostbusters are now women.

Head-Canon says, no. They aren't.

This is Head-Canon. You can doubtless come up with quite a few others on your own. While a company can own the rights and intellectual property of a character. And I freely grant that they do indeed have the rights of disposal and use thereunto pertaining. One thing they can not do is rewrite Head-Canon.

Luke Skywalker is now a cringing, failed, cynical, murderous coward.

Head-Canon says, no.  That isn't Luke Skywalker at all.

Of all the garbage for babies that Rian Johnson came up with, his butchery of Luke Skywalker was the worst.  

The only points I can afford Johnson are these.  One,  J. J. Abrams gave him a bad set up. Abrams had told the audience that Luke had run the hell off after Kylo Ren turned on him.  Johnson was left holding the bag and had to try and explain why.

Two, he was in over his head.  The man has one major theatrical credit and three pretty decent episodes of Breaking Bad on his imdb page. The rest of his resume is incredibly light.  It's obvious that  Kathleen Kennedy selected him because she knew she could bully him.  He would not say, no, to orders from the various committees.

That said, he still created a train wreck and his name is on it.  There was so much to beat on with this particular dead horse I hardly knew where to start but I'll revisit something obvious, the humor was jarring and inappropriate.  It did nothing but interrupt the flow of the film. 

Either Rian Johnson really didn't know any better or more likely a committee decision came down from on high saying put more humor in it,"because Guardians of the Galaxy had lots of humor in it."

The scene between Po and Hux at the beginning was positively tone deaf. In effect it turned Reinhard Heydrich into Wilhelm Klink.  The tension built up by the text crawl and followed up by the Bridge Bunny moaning, "oh no," when the Imperial Fleet arrived was shattered.  Then things had to get serious again and they just couldn't.

When Luke starts his first lesson with Rey, she finally after two movies does something wrong when he says, "reach out."  And she does so literally.  

Luke rolls his eyes and then taps at fingers with a reed saying, "can you feel it?"

Rey excited announces, "yes I can feel it!"

And Luke whips her hand with the reed.  Making Luke even more of a dick than he already was.   However let us not forget, Luke was also a nearly homeless loser.  He drinks disgusting dino-walrus milk pretty much straight from the teat.  He constantly slams doors in Rey's face.  He tells her outright he just came to the planet to die.  He reels away from her when Rey is tempted by the Dark Side, shunning her once again.  We find out that he nearly murdered the son of his own sister and his best friend because he was scared for moment.

Luke Skywalker would have done none of these things.

I suppose part of this was generational.

Luke Skywalker was Generation X's first hero.  They had to destroy him.  


owlish said...

Huh. I like the idea of Luke as Gen X's hero. There must be some, but I don't know of any boomers Star Wars fans. Then the question is, who else? And from where? Evening tv? Saturday morning toons? Movies? I can't think of any from books, Harry Potter was too late.

Ingot9455 said...

This movie would have been so easy to write.

When The Force Awakens came out, the best line I heard for what people wanted out of the next was this:

"I want to see 45 minutes of Luke riding Rey around a swamp, and 45 minutes of the bro-mantic adventures of Finn and Poe a la SCRUBS."