Friday, March 30, 2018

Which is the Worst Character in the Last Jedi?

With the release of Star Wars: the Last Jedi on video, the debate is revived again. Which was the worst character in the Last Jedi?

Also, what the hell were they thinking?  Which I suppose is the bigger question.

Disney has never had trouble selling plastic junk to little girls.  In fact they damn near invented the market.  No surprise really. Walt himself had two daughters.  Boys on the other hand, have been more problematic.  I suppose part of it is that boys tastes change with time.  During the 1950s Disney was doing just fine in that market.  Between Davey Crocket, Zorro and Old Yeller they were doing great...for a while.  Then that market dried up so slowly that Disney didn't seem to notice.

A few decades rolled by with only a few plastic Prince Phillip swords and shields to show for it. Then came Pirates of the Caribbean and Disney rediscovered the power of boys shrieking, "I want that one!" The action figure money rolled in for a while and Disney leveraged everything they could out of it.  Disney Princesses became Pirates and Princesses. Sadly, it turned out that Pirates had a shelf life.

Then Bob Iger ushered in the era of buying everything.  One of those things was Marvel.  Good move lots of action figures for little boys...although not much else.  Marvel has never had a hero problem but their villains are no where near as memorable.  Red Skull* was about the only good one Disney owned both movie and movie tie-in rights to.  Marvel is okay in the toy department but is sure as hell is no Star Wars.

Viewed from that perspective, bringing Star Wars into the House of Mouse was brilliant...until it suddenly wasn't.

Kathleen Kennedy has proven herself to be the worst brand rapist since... There is no "since," Kathleen Kennedy sets the standard now.  Not New Coke.  Not Ghostbusters 2015.  Nobody comes close to wrecking a money making franchise like she has.  This brand which was great for selling not only action figures to the boys but starfighters, walkers, robots, aliens and so on and so on, is now hopelessly damaged.

KK and her obsession with injecting SJW feminism into Star Wars has wrecked a money making machine.  Abrams didn't do terribly in this regard.  Po was pretty cool.  Han and Chewie were back as was their ride.  But that was it.

Boys are sexist.  They don't play with girl action figures unless they have truly horrible parents telling them they have to.  The lack of sales on Rey figures should have told them something and it didn't.

Which brings me back to the initial question: Which is the Worst Character of the Last Jedi?

Not an easy question to answer.  I mean lets face it, we hate ALL of them.  So, I had to narrow it down a little.  Thanks to the incompetent Rian Johnson, Po is now bumbling idiot. Finn...well, lets face it, Finn always sucked.  Kylo Ren broke the only cool thing about him when he smashed his mask, after that were left looking at his horse face.  But these weren't the worst offenders. The worst characters in the Last Jedi were Kathleen Kennedy's May Sues:

Admiral Tumblrina Gender-Studies

An admiral who commanded her ships while wearing an evening gown and purple hair.  She gave orders that appeared to make no sense whatsoever and turned loyal Po Dameron into a mutineer.  Po rebelled because it appeared that she had a plan that was going to do nothing but get them all killed.  And it turned out he was right.  

The smugness with which her "middle-aged woman who is always right about everything" character is forced on an unwilling fanbase is a perfect reflection of Kathleen Kennedy's attitude towards what she has decided that Star Wars fans will love from now on, whether like it or not.

Rose Tico

Rose is the Squirrel-Girl of the Last Jedi.  SJW feminists don't want women to be found sexually desirable by men.  They go out of their way to make characters that avert the male gaze. This what Kelly Marie Tran looks like when she is not being Rose and I had to check repeatedly to make sure I was getting the right actress because she doesn't look a thing like Rose.

Again we have the usual, she gets everything right and the man in her life (the utterly hapless Finn) gets everything wrong.  The apotheosis of her character was ruining Finn's moment of glory when he tried to destroy the Battering Ram Cannon (the entire theater laughed when they heard that name) and she stole his honor and glory by crashing his speeder.  Since she is right all the time, I was expecting her to tell him that it wouldn't have worked, (it was a reasonable expectation, she'd been doing that for two hours).  Instead she babbled out a confession of love and kissed a guy who didn't have a chance to dodge it.*  So apparently Finn's field expedient plan would have worked and she sentenced the entire rebellion (including both herself and Finn) to death because she had a chick moment.


There really isn't anything new to be said about Rey because absolutely nothing has changed about her over the course of two movies.  He character remains completely static and unevolved.   She just keeps getting everything right.  She is naturally perfect at everything she does (invariably the first time she tries to do it).  She is completely disengaging as a character.

At the end of Empire, Luke is in pieces on the floor (literally).  His best friend and blood brother has been captured and whisked away to who knows what fate.  His hand has been chopped off.  And worst of all, his core truth has been revealed to be a lie. Darth Vader didn't murder his father, he is his father.

The closest Rey gets to any of that is finding out that her parents really didn't love her, which she should have figured out over the course of the last eighteen years of her life.  Nobody lied to her about that except her, (wait, did she actually make a mistake?)

And again with Rey we see hair styling and costuming designed to bring out her worst appearance.  For reference here's what Daisy Ridley looks like when she cleans up a little.

Yet the producers which is to say Kathleen Kennedy want us to see her in the worst light possible (unless you have a shoulder fetish, you've got what you want then).Weird knobby hairstyle, form concealing robes and a completely asexual demeanor.  For a brief time I thought she might develop something with Kylo Ren but in the end normal sexual desire proves completely foreign to Rey.

So there you are.  My three candidates for Worst Character in the Last Jedi.  You my beloved readers, get to decide.  In the comments below, naturally.

*Let reverse the sexes here. What if Finn had been played by Kerry Washington and Rose had been played by Kim Jong Un?  How cool would they have been if the fat Asian guy had crashed her speeder, confessed his love and then kissed her on the lips without her CONSENT. 


Chris Lutz said...

Holdo, hands down.

I've never gotten the Poe love. His character was too good as a pilot shooting down everything in sight. It made him bland in TFA. You are correct, they went the opposite in TLJ where he could do nothing right.

Emmett Fitz-Hume said...


For all the reasons you stated and one more: she seemed to be written just to take the limelight from a beloved minor character-Admiral Ackbar.

Everything she did could have been done by Ackbar and it would have been a terrific send-off for the guy. Though, Ackbar never would have come up with such an imbecilic plan.

ghostfromplanetspook said...

Holdo did the decent thing and killed herself. I'm gonna go with Rey since she's never going to leave and she takes up the most screen time.

Mr. Bee said...

I waited a while before seeing TFA until after most of the hype had died down and the theater wasn't filled with screaming fanboys. When Rey was introduced and immediately beat up 3 guys single handed, swiped the Falcon - which just happened to be on that planet waiting to be fired up - and repaired it better than Han had ever done I knew right there where the entire franchise was going and gave up on it 1/3 of the way into TFA. Watching Death Star 3 show up making TFA a cowardly replay of SW4 sealed the deal. I refuse to pay movie ticket money to see another Disney SW movie so I'm disqualified from making value judgements on the characters in the crap SWTLJ.

Tamaqua said...

I'm not picking the low hanging fruit here. We knew the new characters were going to be the product of Diversity Inc., and were going to suck at levels even beyond Jar Jar levels of rage inducing hatred.

The worst character is Kathleen Kennedy's monstrous re-imagining of Luke Skywalker. They made sure to destroy everything he represents, both in the SW universe and in real life as a archetype of a male hero.

Starboard said...

"Battering Ram Cannon" equals skirmish level deathstar. It's not star wars without a deathstar.