Saturday, March 31, 2018
What Can They Possibly Do With Star Wars IX?
NOTE: This started as reply comment on the last post and then I got lost in Rantville.
Rian Johnson has left J.J. Abrams not just a mess but a complete mess.
When The Empire Strikes Back ended, there was an excellent setup for the next movie. Why it practic...al...ly...uh... No, actually. Now that I think about it, the end of Empire created a major plot restriction for the film that was to follow it.
Harrison Ford famously wanted Han to die at the end of Empire and he was probably right, (actually given everything that happened with Han afterward, he was definitely right). Han reached the end of his story arc in Empire, Much as we love the guy he really had nowhere else to go as a character and that was where he went, nowhere.
Regardless, with Han live captured, the next movie had no choice but to rescue him and that is a major problem for the plot structure of Return of the Jedi. The Rescue of Han Solo is a twenty plus minute mini-movie within the movie. The main plot can't begin until that huge subplot is out of the way. After that, everything feels compacted and a bit rushed. "Master, I've come back to complete my training and oh shit, you're dead!"
Alec Guiness was another problem. He was tired and crabby and wanted nothing more to do with this franchise. He wanted to be remembered as Colonel Nicholson from Bridge on the River Kwai. By Return of the Jedi, he now knew that he'd only be remembered for being some kind of samurai-space warlock in a kid's movie. When Obiwan's Force Ghost sat down on a log. Sir Alec all but said, I'm done acting here, just accept it.
This is all kind of a mental diversion for me because I am trying to avoid answering my own question. I really can't think of anything I could do with the current setup as left by that TV hack Rian Johnson.
The good characters are gone. Or rather Han and Luke are gone. Carrie Fisher (hand over heart) has left us. It says something of their desperation that they are floating the idea of replacing her with...buckle up for this one...Meryl Streep.*
If true, it leaves them nowhere. Princess Leia is more MacGuffin than heroine. Although I can see Kathleen Kennedy making Our Princess yet another addition to her endless stream of feminist Mary-Sues. I'm hoping they will write her out with as much dignity as possible given how badly Rian Johnson muffed his own opportunity to do so.
We all know what I'm talking about here. When we saw Leia get blown out of the bridge, everybody in the theater probably thought the same thing I did. Well that's very sad but they had to do it. Carrie Fisher is gone, so Leia has to be written out. I guess Johnson picked the best possible and did it. Heck there was even quite bit of tension build up during the advertising campaign. Would Kylo kill his mother as well as his father. It kind of worked. Killing off Leia at that point would have been ballsy. Of course Johnson recoiled away from it. I don't believe for a second Johnson believed in his own narrative so much he couldn't bring himself to change it. He was just too scared to take a real chance.
Everything he did was gutless. Johnson clearly jumped, every-time KK murmured, "frog." SJW Star Wars wasn't "new, brave and daring," this was just Gamma creativity. In action He crafted two, feminist Mary-Sues for her majesty's amusement. He focused pretty much all of his available energy on the stupid casino planet. He blew all of his budget on making sure ALL of the sets were live builds instead green screen because film school types bitched about that in prequels. Which I suspect is why Snoke's throne room looks like shit, Johnson ran out of money. Although you will be happy to know that the Hentai-Boob-Testicle-Sea Monster that Luke milked...yeah that actually exists somewhere (*shudder*).
Okay, I'm trying to circle back to my original question. Again.
Maybe I should try breaking the big problems into smaller ones. First and foremost; The Enemy.
Snoke is dead. Killing the Dark One is usually reserved for the end of a trilogy and thanks to Johnson's incompetence it wasn't.** And Kylo Ren is way too fucking emo to be the new Dark One. Even General Hux wasn't buying that one. Okay, soooo. Snoke was and is Darth Plagueis “The Wise”. He is in the lore as being able to defeat death itself. So self resurrection (while disturbingly blasphemous for a Christian) is possible. This also makes him exceptionally difficult to defeat.
Force Ghost Luke warns his nephew.
Kylo Ren has to make a run for it and the only place he can go is the #RESISTANCE. Rey...and only Rey is willing to take him in. The rest of the #RESISTANCE is uncool about this but thanks to Johnson there are only twenty of them at this point and they can't turn down any help that is freely offered.
Kylo reveals the First Order is constructing a new Death Star but if they hurry they can destroy it before...
Look guys, sorry about the Deathstar thing.
Truly, I am.
But at this point I am kind of trapped by the laws of the Lucasverse. There are only three things in it. Laser swords. WWII Starfighters. And Deathstars. That's it. I didn't make those rules if you want a version of Star Wars that is better than that read Galaxy's Edge.
*A Rep for Streep says this is untrue. IE the fan reaction was intensely negative.
** I was honestly expecting Snoke to look down at the light sabre sticking through his middle, smile and then purr malevolently at Kylo, "Did you think it would be that easy, boy?" If you are Gamma Male hack director, it is.