Friday, January 5, 2018

Blogs and Ends...The Gorilla Channel

Okay quick update

First something that made me feel old as fuck.

A YouTube geek channel decided to cram a modern PC's guts into an old case.



The "IBM Clone" in this video looks exactly like my first Heath Zenith home build.  I was settling in to be amused.  Which ended the second that this "Linus" individual pointed out that, this computer was literally, "older than everyone in our office"

NEXT

Back in the `1990 a friend tried to commit suicide in front of me.

He was an old Gunny who was also a Marine Corps SOTG instructor.   We  were in the field together and were low on water.  We came across a creek that was flowing over a small waterfall of rocks "clearly".  Which therefore according to "Gunny SOTG's" Grandpappy made it safe it drink.  I declined to join his suicide pact on the grounds that, while yes it is flowing "clearly over rocks" up here, you don't know what shit in it or died in upstream.

He laughed at me for being a wuss.

At four AM the next night his wife drove him to the base emergency room with a case of projectile diarrhea that she had been forced to clean off of him because he was so sick with Giardia he could only roll around on their bed in his own filth.

Why do I bring this up?

Because Raw Water is the latest stupid thing to come our of California.

Native Californian in eternal exile Larry Correia said:

Raw water" is a fad that's got dumb Californians spending $30 a bottle... and I just dug a well... Hmmmmmm...

Introducing YARD MOOSE MOUNTAIN brand RAW WATER! All the vitamins and minerals you need to align your chakras with half the cholera!

Certified 115% more effective than healing crystals. Check out our 5 star review on Gwyneth Paltrow's blog. Guaranteed not to cause vaccines which cause autism.

YARD MOOSE MOUNTAIN brand RAW WATER. Buy it now for the ultra low bargain price of only $60 per recycled bottle (as in we'll just use old water bottles that my kids refilled with a garden hose).

The earth is flat, so why shouldn't your water be too? YARD MOOSE MOUNTAIN brand RAW WATER makes you immune to dangerous chem trails.

9 out of 10 dentists are members of the Illuminati. Who cares what those guys think! Drink YARD MOOSE MOUNTAIN!

EDIT: People are asking if YARD MOOSE MOUNTAIN brand RAW WATER is organic and gluten free. Duh. Obviously. It is also cruelty free, free range, and free trade, but it is not free, because it is $60 a bottle.

People have asked how deep this well is, and if we were worried about hitting China. No. Because everybody knows China is on this side of the flat earth. The other side is where the reptoids live, and then its turtles all the way down. Luckily we didn't have to go too deep, but we did wake up a balrog. Luckily he was very health conscious and approved of YARD MOOSE MOUNTAIN RAW WATER OMNIGLOBAL INCORPORATED's commitment to health.

EDIT 2: Someone asked what a chakra is. I don't actually know, but YARD MOOSE MOUNTAIN brand RAW WATER aligns the shit out of them.

And of course it is a dolphin free. I live in a nice neighborhood. Dolphins are literally the worst.

EDIT 3: It has been a whirlwind morning for YMMbRW. Our fine product is now available in Whole Foods and fine retailers across California.

Wendell the Manatee did a fantastic presentation on Shark Tank. We are looking forward to our strategic partnership with Mark Cuban.

EDIT 4: It is with great sadness that we heard about the massive cholera outbreak in California today. Of course, there is no evidence that YMMbRW Inc. is in anyway responsible, and Wendell T. Manatee said so at our press conference.

Some people are saying that our fine product is filled with deadly amoebas. Others are wondering why a company with a moose for a logo has a manatee for a spokesman. My question is why are you such a racist?

EDIT 5: Because of the success of YARD MOOSE MOUNTAIN brand RAW WATER PRODUCTS we have now expanded into other exciting raw products. Enjoy our healthy raw chicken and unwashed kale salad. Or cleanse your colon with our new raw pork and aged oysters puree.

In unrelated news, six million Californians have died recently due to salmonella and trichinosis. Wendell T. Manatee could not be reached for comment.

EDIT 6: .California is now a depopulated waste land like something out of a Fall Out game.


So is the Left done being stupid for the day you ask?

Far from it! I answer.

This started life on Twitter as a supposed excerpt from Michael Wollf's hilariously lazy and journalistically incompetent best seller to SJWs book, Fire and Fury.

The thing is, this so obviously fake you would have to be colossally stupid to believe it.  Guess what? SJWs believe it!  Twitter was burning up today with high profile idiots like Toure breathlessly retweeting it.



Honestly though, if there was a Gorilla Fighting Channel, would you ever watch anything else?

Okay we're done here.

UPDATE:


5 comments:

exfarmkid said...

"if there was a Gorilla Fighting Channel, would you ever watch anything else?"

It would rank pretty high, but hot chick mud wrestling would beat it.

Cataline Sergius said...

Dude, never date yourself like that.

Johnny said...

Trump is blessed with critics who are too over the top to be taken seriously and too mean spirited to be worthy of sympathy.

The term "raw water" made me laugh. It does have a kind of crazy appeal like raw (uncooked) fruit. I suspect that groundwater in low population areas is usually safe to drink. But pay money for it when there are other choices? Crazy is as crazy does.

Mr.MantraMan said...

The Beaver fever will snatch your life

Wynn Lloyd said...

They can't even use it in arguments well.

"Yeah, well your President likes to watch gorillas fight each other and thought there was a t.v. channel for that."
It's absurd it makes the accuser appear utterly stupid, which is what you'd have to be to believe it.