Saturday, March 11, 2017

Trump Supporters are Smarter Than Shia LaBeouf...In Other News: Water is Wet and Dogs Have Fur

In case I've never made this sufficiently clear, I loath American leading actors.  These days they start off on commercials as child actors and then land a job on some family sitcom.  From there they make the jump to features on the basis of little more than rumors among producers of their stage-mother-manager's skill at fellatio.

They have no real acting ability, but there is an entire entertainment journalism industry that is built around supporting the myth of their non-existent talent.  And they all look like adolescents until they are in their forties.

In some pointless act of pious assholery typical of these modern celebutards, the patron saint of them all Shia LaBeouf, erected a flag pole and hoisted a banner that declared #WeWillNotBeDivided.  This was supposed to be "art".  Now like every other piece of art that Shia has produced it was utter crap.

It started off on inauguration day at the Museum of Moving Image.  The Proud Boys showed up and the museum told Shia to take his riot magnet elsewhere.  So he did, to the El Rey Theater in Albuquerque.  After the local hilljacks started shooting at it, Shia came up with a brilliant plan to move it someplace safe.  Someplace sooper black, ultra top secret.

He did this on March 8th and declared that the flag would fly everyday (and under guard) of the Trump presidency.  He also put streaming video on it just so we would know that we hadn't broken him...yet!

The thing is he also put audio on his stream as well.  This combination of open challenge, mystery, clues and a chance to piss off Shia proved irresistible to those who labor in secret for the glory of Kek. 

Autists at 8chan's /hwndu/ board immediately began searching for clues to the whereabouts of the flag. Listening to the local fauna, they were able to guess the biome of the flag. By watching the sun go down, they were able to find the orientation of the flag. At night they were able to see stars in the background and used that to find the general location of the flag. After 3am they then sent out a car who honked his horn at strategic locations to pinpoint the flag by playing "Marco Polo" with 8chan over the video stream.

With this data, they were able to find a few flag poles in the general area by scrutinizing Google Maps. Using the orientation data from earlier, they checked flight paths and were able to predict flights 4-5 minutes before showing up on the live stream. A local autist cross referenced flight data with angles and figured out the exact location of the flag pole.

In the morning, an expedition team was sent out to get recon on the flag. After photographing and confirming the flag, a possible heist went into the planning stage. Some larping ex-military anons gave advice on possible routes and safe exit points to get the flag and get out undetected. Multiple anons then began sending out disinfo to confuse any possible efforts by Shia to stop the flag heist. Unfortunately for Shia, some anons were crouched in the nearby field all night, waiting for an opening.

After watching the patterns of the flag guards carefully, a courageous Anon went over and valiantly removed the HWNDU flag, replacing it with a MAGA hat. The MAGA hat was on the flag pole for 10 minutes before being taken down in pure rage, likely by Shia himself.

The general area of the camera was located in 12 hours, pinpointed in 26 hours, and the flag was stolen within 36 hours.

"A bunch of autists on the internet just committed a meticulously planned nighttime operation against an enemy installation." -Anon


pdwalker said...

*sniff*.. that's just so... beautiful!

Cataline Sergius said...

But dude you have to think about Shia for second. Dwell for just a moment on all of his pain and frustration. Imagine the anger on his butthurt face and I think you will feel...even better!

bob kek mando ( Death To The Boor-geois, Keks To The Lol-etariat ) said...

you know what this is, right?

this is GamerGate. this is what Nerds fucking DO all damn day.

SJWfags shouldn't oughta pissed on the Gamers.