Friday, February 24, 2017

Apparently Witches Are Casting a Spell On us Tonight... Just FYI

From that champion of journalistic integrity the Daily Mail


Among the objects required to complete this spell are an unflattering photo of Trump, a tiny orange candle, a Tower tarot card and bowls of water and salt.

There must also be a pin, which is used to carve Trump's name on the candle.

Once that first step is complete, the aforementioned items should be arranged around the individual in a pleasing position along with a feather, a white candle and an ashtray or dish filled with sand.

From there, a prayer for protection should be said by all participants before they launch into the chant.


Then it is time to launch into the chant, which was allegedly created by a member of a private magical order.

In one refrain, the witches must chant: 'I call upon you / To bind / Donald J. Trump / So that he may fail utterly / That he may do no harm/To any human soul.'

The second verse tackles a different issues, with the lines: 'Bind him so that he shall not break our polity / Usurp our liberty / Or fill our minds with hate, confusion, fear, or despair.'

President Trump's supporters are also wrapped into the chant.

'Bind them in chains / Bind their tongues / Bind their works / Bind their wickedness,' sing the women and men, who at this point are told to take the orange candle and light President Trump's photo on fire.

To close things out the phrase 'So mote it be!' is repeated three times and the candle blown out.

Witches are then ordered to ground themselves after the ritual before disposing of the candle.

This will be just the first of the monthly rituals too, with one scheduled to take place every Friday of the crescent moon until President Trump is out of office.


Okay so I can't speak for the rest of you but I'm not exactly wetting myself here.

Also I find the total lack of blood sacrifice of unbaptized male infants to be just lazy. 

Seriously, how hard are they to find in Britain these days?


To say nothing of the total lack of  fornicating with the Black Phillip who cometh in the form of a many legged goat.  That just seems shoddy to me.  

Although considering what modern witches look like the goat is probably relieved.

The standards for modern witchcraft have just fallen through the basement.


UPDATE:

From Ace

Soooo...

Any word yet on whether Donald made his saving throw? How 'bout the rest of you... feeling bound up yet?

I think I made mine. I don't appear to be covered in chains. Any more than normal, at least. Haha....

shit...Here comes the wife.

2 comments:

ghostfromplanetspook said...

They need more salt me thinks.

Kentucky Headhunter said...

Don't witches call on Satan to actually perform the acts? If Trump is all things evil, wouldn't that mean that Trump is Satan? So are they asking Trump to Trump himself?

Never got my letter from Hogwarts...