Saturday, December 10, 2016

Star Wars Conspiracy Theories Because Sure Why Not?

Star Wars came out at just the right time for me.  I was at the age where a major interest in girls had been thrust upon me and I was as powerless to resist it, as I was to do anything effectively about it.  Older boys suddenly took notice of me for the first time and  it was to make sure I knew my place at the bottom of the pecking order.  The world was suddenly a raging kaleidoscope of  horny, humiliation and powerless outrage.

Thankfully it didn't last long.

It usually doesn't...for most of us...but during that brief and horrible time any kind of escape is a treasure beyond price.

I was a member of the last generation of boys who found that escape in comic books and the first to find a dream of exultant power when you are at your most powerless, in Star Wars.

You get older up.  You get bigger.  You pick on boys younger than yourself and feel like shit for it when you actually grow up.  Girls stop being a source of painful longing and turn into a damn nuisance.  In short you grow up.

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see in a mirror, darkly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.

You start seeing things differently because you have no choice...unless you are an SJW human dumpster fire like John Scalzi.  Gamma Males never leave adolescence behind.

There are things from your childhood that are supposed to fade in your affection.  And indeed Star Wars was one of them.  But I never left it entirely behind.  When something new comes along in the Star Wars universe I can't help but take an interest.

Today of course, we all see that the orginal film is drastically flawed from the stand point of summer popcorn burner.   The action is too slow, the light saber duel was between two old clumsy guys and the actions beats just aren't that exciting by modern standards.

But here is the thing dumbasses, it was never meant to be a popcorn burner.

From just about any perspective Star Wars is (or was before Lucas started mauling his own creation) a nearly perfect movie.  Now that may not have been Lucas' doing, there is a strong belief that it was saved in editing.   Let's take the opening scene for example.  Pan down shot of the familiar sight of a planet and it's moon. This reminds you of Earth and it's moon.  Continue panning down; the expanse of the red desert Tattooine is revealed.  That shocks you out of your familiar mindset and shifts your paradigm without a clutch.  You ain't in Kansas anymore Dorothy. Then the Rebel Blockade runner zips down the screen.  Small sized with irregular and curved shapes through out it's design.  Then the Star Destroyer appears; it's design features massive clean, sharp lines that speak of military efficiency.  You don't need to be told which one is the good guy and which is the bad.

Star Wars is a movie where just about everything in it works.  Sure it's slower and that's a good thing.  It takes it time and it builds.  These days you just don't see that in a movie unless it's from freaking damn China or India.

We also know what happened with Lucas.  Having exhausted himself making his epic of the Hero's Journey, he then had watch impotently as it was completely overshadowed by the Empire Strikes Back.  Which he had the least do with creatively.  I suspect that is why he spent the last twenty years maiming his work.  Each special effect added making things just a little bit worse.

Then came the prequels where George Lucas was fully revealed as a fraud.  They were decent enough as popcorn burners except for those really exciting scenes where people sat around and talked.  And of course the worst screen romance of all time.

Some people however were so over committed to Star Wars that they created the Star Wars Ring Theory.  This posits the position that George Lucas is in fact a genius rather than a fraud.  He revived an ancient German story telling technique that had every plot point moving around in a circle until you get back to the starting point.

Plinkett explains.

I find the Ring Theory as unlikely as Red Letter Media.  The truth is that George Lucas was a creative force in his early twenties but he expended all of that energy making the first Star Wars.  After that he was just trying to live up to his own legend and he couldn't do it.  In large part due to the fact that he didn't make Empire.  Lucas was being his own cover band, which is why there were similarities between the first and second trilogies.

Consequently the new Knights of Ren theory had me yawning.

Did you know there is a new Star Wars prequel coming out?  ITS TRUE!!!


I. Know.

I honestly wasn't planning to show up for it.  I thought I had broken the cycle of addiction.  I had thought that the latest Star Wars movie was great...for awhile.  Then it sort of slid down the ladder to merely good.  A few too many call backs combined with too much in the way of progressive politics.

Besides I know how the Rogue One story ends.  The ragtag rebel team of outcasts succeed in getting the plans to Leia.  Since Disney has to account for the fact that we never saw them again in the entire first trilogy, they clearly died one by one or as a group heroically.  Great, another Dark and Gritty. Pass.  I have no reason to show up.

Except now I am a little curious about something.

Do these ragtag heroes become the Knights of Ren?

Normally I'd snort and say hell no you are being a chump about Star Wars theories again.  But in this case there maybe something to it.

First there was Forest Whitaker's cryptic admonishments to the new (*sigh*)  heroine, "What will you do, when they catch you?  What will you do, if they break you? If you continue to fight, what will you become?"

Could this be foreshadowing?  Maybe.  It seems almost odd to include it otherwise.

I wouldn't build an entire conspiracy theory around it but there is however this.

The production art from the Force Awakens.  These are the Knights of Ren.  None of them have light sabers, so they probably aren't Force Users and none of the new heroes are either as has been repeatedly made clear by the production team.  But much more important is the fact that all of the Knights of Ren have an analog in the Rogue One team.  Except for the Cool New Robot but he's voiced by the guy who played Walsh on Firefly so the CNR will probably be destroyed after you've grown fond of him.

Getting back to my point.  The characters from Rouge One are all there.  The Heavy, the Armory, the Sniper, the Monk and most tellingly of all...The Rogue.



Yes, I'm going to see this one too.


Jew613 said...

I used to be a big Star Wars fan. Even the sheer awfulness of the Phantom Menace couldn't kill that. But the Force Awakens: The Mary Sue Strikes Back ended it for me. Which is a shame as everything in that movie besides Daisy Ridley's character Rey were actually very good. Once you've seen women try to do men's work the female hero is just impossible to take serious. I expect the next film to ramp the feminism to 11.

Sillon Bono said...

There was no bigger fan of SW as a kid than me, but I'm going to pass on this one, I'm sick of PC shit.

"The force awakens" explained sufficiently well that nothing good is going to come of this.

SW is "A new hope", "Empire" & "Jedi" in my head the rest do not exist except as fan fiction.

Ingot9455 said...

I might go see it if they all die at the end, but you're telling me that they don't.

Cataline Sergius said...

I'll let you know after I...(*sigh*)...see it.