Friday, December 23, 2016

Larry Corriea's Christmas Noun Is Up

Some people religiously watch Alister Sim's turn as Scrooge every year.  For others the holiday season isn't complete until they've seen  Love Actually.  (*Cataline shrugs a little worriedly at that last but decides to trudge ahead anyway. *)  For me the holiday season officially begins when I've read the current years's edition of Larry Corriea's Christmas Noun. 

What do you mean the gorilla won? AAAAAAHHHHHH! I even changed our password to PASSWORD1234! How can this be! Damn it, Moloch! We had a deal!
Our agreement stated that Fidel would get more votes, not that he would win. Check the fine print, fleshling. YOUR SOULS ARE MINE! BWA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAA!
No Chris! It isn’t over yet! Fidel’s victory was inevitable! INEVITABLE! We will not accept defeat! Assemble your media minions and redouble your efforts. If you can’t find a gorilla supporter who did something scary out of millions of voters, make some up! I want riots! Panic attacks! Hyperventilating snowflake break downs! There is still the Elftoral Congress. Until then we will burn the workshop down! Our new plan to win the election we just lost is to throw the biggest temper tantrum in history!
Uh… I’m a foul demon from the underworld and even I’ve got to say that’s kind of messed up.
From Chapter 10
“Why are those reindeer setting that stable on fire?” Sally asked. “Isn’t that where they live?”
“Yeah. They’re doing it because they got so freaked out believing their own ridiculous apocalyptic hype, that they see penguin eating gorillas around every corner. But at least they quit blocking traffic with their bodies after that snowplow went through,” Tim said as he watched the angry mob.
The North Pole had descended into chaos as the Mistletoe party voters had taken to the streets. But as hard as they were taking their loss, the media who had been covering the election were taking it so much worse. Keith Olberman had actually covered himself in sackcloth and ashes. Tim didn’t even know what sackcloth was.
Then Tim noticed that his wife was wearing a big red MAKE CHRISTMAS GREAT AGAIN hat. “Are you trying to get us killed? Take that off!” But it was too late. The “peaceful protestors” had seen them and were headed their way with torches and pitchforks. “Run for your life!”

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