Saturday, March 26, 2016

Will Batman Vs Superman Be a Disaster...I Certainly Hope So

Okay it won't be a disaster. 

For values of disaster.  Advance ticket sales mean that it will make at least enough to cover it's production and marketing costs.  

However (big comma) Warner Bros needs this flick to pull down at least one billion dollars or it's business plan for the next ten years is in the shitter.  At 30% positive on Rotten Tomatoes it's not going to do anywhere near that kind of business. 

It's not schadenfreude...okay it's not just schadenfreude on my part.  I am rather hoping this one fails for a number of reasons.

And not for the usual silly ass excuse of being a Marvel fanboy. I freely confess that I was a Marvel fan when I was kid or to be more exact a Spiderman fan.  My big brother was the DC fan and that was reason enough for me to hate all things DC.  We were very clear if inarticulate about our reasons.

Cataline: You're dumb!

Cataline's Brother: No, you're dumb!

Okay, even the reasons weren't too clear but they were ours and we stuck with our respective brands. Loyally pouring heaps of abuse on each other's preferred marque.

And then the unthinkable happened.

If they could just leave poor Gwen dead.
But no, the SJWs at Marvel keep digging up her corpse.
And fucking it.

I was done with Marvel from that day forward.

My older brother actually got a girlfriend shortly after that tragic event, so he was done with comics. Which left behind a huge box of DC Comics behind.  I have to say.  My brother had a decent collection.  If they had been properly cared for his comics would have been worth something. But they were simply left in a box to become yellow and dogeared.  Their condition was too poor to be worth anything in the collectors market   However they were readable.  So I read them.

And thus began my readership of a hero who was of course infinitely better than Spiderman in every conceivable way, not least because he was consistently able to save his girlfriend no matter how many times she got chucked off sky scrapers.


The awkward geeky guy who is secretly an omni-competent demi-god.  He has a crush on a hot girl who has no time for him but will make time for his secret identity.  The appeal to an adolescent male is male is obvious.

The appeal to guys who never move past adolescence
is also obvious.

And yet Superman wasn't just a hero for Gamma Males.  The Gamma resentment was entirely missing for a start.  Most things didn't bother Superman because most things couldn't.  He could have ruled the world with an iron fist but didn't.  It wasn't that he chose not to rule the world, it was just that conquering the world wasn't in his character and it was his character that really mattered.  He didn't do the good that he did to be liked.  Or to feel important.    He did the good that he did because it was intrinsic to his make up.  He didn't want to inspire, he just did.

If one of the unarguable criteria for literary greatness is recognition, consider this: In all of the history of literature, there are only five fictional creations known to every man, woman, and child on the planet. The urchin in Irkutsk may never have heard of Hamlet, the peon in Pernambuco may not know who Raskolnikov is; the widow in Jakarta may stare blankly at the mention of Don Quixote or Micawber or Jay Gatsby. But every man, woman, and child on the planet knows Mickey Mouse, Sherlock Holmes, Tarzan, Robin Hood... and Superman.

He is more than the fanciful daydream of two Cleveland schoolboys. He is the 20th-century archetype of mankind at its finest. He is courage and humanity, steadfastness and decency, responsibility and ethic. He is our universal longing for perfection, for wisdom and power used in the service of the human race.

Of all the literary creations of American fiction, Superman, after all these years, born of a "dispensable, disreputable" genre, is the only one that seems certain to get Posterity's nod. And that is because, simply put, he is our highest aspirations in human form.

- Harlan Ellison

And it is this character that is entirely missing from Zack Snyder's vision of Superman.

Zack Snyder's vision for Superman is Emo-Space-Jesus.  There are some sequels that are better than the first movie.  In the case of Man of Steel, a movie that the WB "was too embarrassed to call Superman," it was a very low bar to hop over.  They clearly didn't manage it.  They lost me during the trailer.

The entire marketing for this stupid thing is built around the hope that audiences will want to watch a fight between two heroes.  Snyder clearly and obviously wanted to film Frank Miller's Dark Knight Returns and this was as close as he could get.

The Dark Knight Returns was ultimately a closet rightwing piece that took a couple of swipes at Reagan to remain fashionable. So I can forgive it a lot.  But sadly the climax of the that miniseries was this;

Look familiar?

Tragically Dark Knight did well enough in sales that two things happened.  One; Superman and Batman who had been best friends for forty years were now frenimes. Two; all the DC superheros had to become dark and gritty.

I want this movie to fail because this

Is not Superman

This is why I want Batman Vs Superman to fail.

It is the product of emo SJWs.

Not the "archetype of mankind at its finest."

UPDATE: Second weekend out and B vs S crashes 68%.  This one will NOT cross the One Billion Dollar mark.

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