Saturday, December 19, 2015

Dress Like You Want The Job...Not Like You Think You Deserve It

Gavin McInnes recently posted a very useful article for young men.  And by that I mean really life and death useful.  An Idiot's Guide to Getting Dressed.

Young men in American society today are given pretty much zero instruction on what clothes to buy in order to look professional.

Not too long ago I was in a hotel waiting for my favorite restaurant to open up. I overheard a conversation between two Millenials that were at a job fair for Pharma reps.  They apparently knew each other, the girl was reasonably attractive and had thus been rushed to the head of the line, her vacuous CV and resume pretty much ignored. Pharma reps are what they are.

But the boy...Oh dear.  He was dressed like a Millennial.  His business suit was brown corduroy trousers with square tipped shoes.  His coat (*what the unwashed call "a Jacket") was an actual Jacket.  It had a zipper and everything (*Cataline shudders in disgust*).  He had college hair to include mutton chops.  The funniest thing about this fat little tudball was his sense of entitlement.  He had a college degree now, so he didn't want "just a starter job."

Child on the off chance that you are reading this and recognize yourself,  Read here, the wise words of Gavin.  He's materially successful, you are not.

If you are an adult male working in a professional environment and you want to be taken seriously, you need to wear a suit. That means you also need a briefcase, a bunch of ties, some comfortable shirts, a new haircut, and three pairs of shoes. I can afford the finest tailors on Savile Row, but I am Scottish and we are so cheap, Jews think we’re being sarcastic.

The first thing that separates the men from the boys is the top button. Wearing a tie with your top button undone tells everyone you work with that you don’t know how to buy a shirt. I realize it can be stifling to button up that tight and this is usually because fat pigs have skewed the shirt market so wide that everything in your size of neck is a gigantic sheet. The solution to this is to either buy a shirt based on how the top button feels around your neck and then have a tailor take in the rest of the shirt or have a shirt custom-made. For all minor adjustments like taking in shirts, tapering pants, and hemming jeans, I use the Cambodian lady at the Laundromat, but for creating something from scratch you need a pro. Local tailors are way too expensive, so those of us in the cheap community use nomads. These are usually third-world types who travel from city to city renting hotel rooms that us penny-pinchers invade a few times a year. Nita Fashions is one such company. They take your measurements, show you swatches, and then fulfill your order back in Hong Kong where labor costs nothing. You can get a custom dress shirt from them for as little as $50 and it fits so perfectly, you feel like you’re wearing pajamas. Dry cleaners take about three days to turn around an order so you’re going to need at least five shirts to start with. I recommend white because anything else is hard to match and patterns make you look weak. If you can’t afford to change your shirt every day, just wash the armpits in the sink and then iron it dry. This trick also comes in handy on business trips where dry cleaners are not an option.

If you’re going to wear a shirt without a tie, you don’t need to worry about the top button. In New York, Century 21 has high-quality dress shirts that have been marked down, but you can also get great cheap stuff at Uniqlo and H&M. Ted Baker and J Crew are about double the price, but if you keep your eye out for sales it’s easy to get shirts there for $50. I like a button-down collar so it never pokes over my lapel, but that is frowned upon in formal settings (most who have a problem with this will stop mentioning it after a quiet “Fuck off”).

Do not buy a suit at Men’s Wearhouse. The suits from there look like they’re from Men’s Wearhouse.

Wise words. Particularity the Men's Wearhouse part.

However there was one point that Gavin had to skip over due to space constraints and the fact that he lives in New York City. Proper accessorizing to include cufflinks, ring, executive pocket knife and of course your dress pistol.

I know the arguments against them, believe me. That a gun is primarily a tool and should be treated only as such.

Nonsense you'll always have a use for a hammer. Very likely you will never use your carry gun if you wear a suit that isn't from Men's Warehouse. Yes it's primary purpose is to maintain your life but it does have an important secondary purpose.

What it tells the world about you.

For instance:

Shiny and full of Win! 


Dude no!  I can't even...Just No! Fail!

When you get your suit measured, be sure to have your carry weapon on you in your preferred carry location.  It's an important test for your tailor.

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