Sunday, March 8, 2015

Agent Carter Sucked...And It Shouldn't Have

I had high hopes for...


I had intermediate hopes for Agent Carter.  


The time is ripe for a Dieselpunk adventure set in the late 1940s, starring a sexy English spitfire. Living in the art deco dream of post war New York City. Black tie night clubs with gorgeous songbirds singing in front of a live band. Seedy criminals who all wore fedoras, working the back alleys. GIs coming home to marry the gals they'd been writing to through four years of hell. America bestriding the world like a colossus. Ours enemies beaten.  

But even now their remnants gather in the shadows. Mysteriously powerful beings had been at work during the war. Now they labor in the dark to destroy the promise America has made to the world and the hope that we offer mankind.


To battle this new malignant threat.  The United States military, stays in the covert operations business and the SSR becomes SHIELD and a new war begins in the night world of the cold war.


I knew we were in trouble when I saw that nobody smoked.

Marvel Studios has been on a political down hill slide since they were bought up by Disney.  Hollywood culture rot has now invaded.  The pro American tone of the first Ironman and Captain America movies has been drowned like a kitten in a toilet.


The unbridled flag waving of Captain America was the first thing to find itself absent from Agent Carter.  


In it’s place?


Feminism of course.  


And not particularly clever feminism at that. Blunt, heavy handed SJW feminism was the major theme of the show.


Instead of a woman who knew how to be a woman.  I was presented with a woman who wanted to be a man.  In the first movie Peggy Carter was established as a dead shot marksman.  But gun hating Hollywood couldn’t cope with that idea. So suddenly and completely inexplicably, Peggy acquired the ability to kung fu into a coma, every single man she ran into. No explanation offered and in this day and age, none required.  Girls are automatically as strong as men, that’s the new Political Reality.


God knows why but I was expecting sexy Hayley Atwell

What we mostly got was this.


Well it's no burka but it will do.



The first rule of Third Wave Feminism is that men are not permitted to find women sexually desirable.  This is critically important for some reason and the producers of Agent Carter battled mightily against Hayley Atwell’s powerful genetic predisposition towards being attractive to men. They were only mostly successful.


What!?
How did this happen?
This is an outrage!

Agent Carter should have been a spy show.  Agent Carter is not a spy show.  It’s a cop show.  The SSR investigates cop crimes.  They don’t fight super villains, except by accident.  Their scientists are utterly confused by science. And while I don’t think flying aircraft carriers are a good idea, it’s proto-SHIELD so I was kind of expecting one.  


Wrong flag! 
God damn it!



These are supposed to be super secret government agents and they flash their IDs at everyone.  Forgive me for stating the fucking obvious but intell field officers don’t do that. Cops do.


So Agent Carter is a cop show set in the 1940s.  She is a spunky gal trying to make it in a man’s world. Yet she is demeaned in the politically approved fashion by being forced to Bring Coffee to Men.  The problems she encounters are the correct problems that liberals have been indoctrinated to believe that women had at that time. Not the real ones they actually had.


So it’s dull boring and tedious progressive man guilt sermons out of the starting gate.  Let’s see where it goes from there:
Agent Carter starts off with our old friend Howard Stark (who as you may recall is Tony Stark without the magic), being brought up on charges of Communism before the House Un-American Activities Committee.  Silly Cataline, no one in Hollywood ever uses the C word.  I meant of course to say that, Stark (the elder) was brought up on charges of selling weapons to the completely unnamed enemies of the United States.  


Stark contacts Peggy and begs her for help, several of his deadliest MacGuffins have been stolen, along with all the congressmen he should have had on the payroll.  Peggy commits several felonies by agreeing to help him in secret while working for a super secret agency that everyone in New York appears to know about.  She Brings the Coffee, spies on her own side for a rich playboy and has adventures that don't advance the plot. All while deciding which of her two love interests she’s going to go to eventually select.   Alpha tough guy Thompson or crippled White Knight Sousa.  

On the off chance this show is renewed, it will be Sousa.


Finally the plot kicks off and we run into Doctor Faustus, plus an enemy pixie ninja (and possible third love interest for Carter), Dottie.  

Suck it Thompson!
I got farther with her than you did!


We then discover what is going on, isn’t an elaborate scheme by the remnants of Hydra. Rather it is a private revenge mission due to a secret war crime, America committed against Soviet troops during the war.  


America is to blame for everything. 

Always.
Of. Fucking. Course.

 
Peggy saves the day. The Truman Capote looking guy from Captain America makes a cameo, Doctor Faustus gets his jaw wired shut. And a man gets all the credit.  

Although if she had gotten credit for everything she'd done, Peggy would have been getting out of prison just in time to meet up with Captain America again.

Honestly there was a lot of potential for something really good here. Hayley Atwell has a lot screen presence. And I had been quite curious to see what happened with the Peggy character after Captain America.

What happened was Agent McBeal.

UPDATE:
 
Through a combination of feminist porn driven good reviews, to two of the cast members being friends with Joss Whedon and finally not wanting to scratch the Teflon of the Marvel brand. 


Captain America's Sad Girlfriend has been green lit for a second season.

5 comments:

Ron said...

I despise the entire premise of that show so much I could barely even be bothered to look past the cover.

Of course it's Feminist, it's also disgustingly fascist at the same time. The idea of a police force that answers to no authority, can go and do whatever they want without jurisdiction is not vaguely fascist, it is fascist. and not the beneficial Franco/Pinochet kind of fascist, but Mussolini/Schickelgruber fascism.

Anyway, just wanted to say that although the subject matter literally made me naseous, the take down was very insightful. I wish I could see the kind of series you would come up with.

WildClaw said...

Cataline, how would you have liked Agency Carter to be? 50s housewife probably wouldn't well very well :p

Cataline Sergius said...

Actually the fifties housewife who is a secret agent on the side could work. It's been done but not in period that I can remember.

Although I probably would have gone with a SHIELD that was reminiscent of one of Heinlein's secret organizations.

To include Clancy Brown as "The Old Man." Yes, I'd give him an eye patch and have him refereed to occasionally as Director Steranko." Comic geeks would freak out over it.

WildClaw said...

Haha you should do scriptwriting for a movie.
50s Housewife by day, superspy by night.

Neil said...
This comment has been removed by the author.